I’ll have a video dedicated to hormones since there is a lot to talk about. So, in May 2011, I started taking testosterone blockers, and in September 2011 started taking estradiol. But, sometime later I decided that I wasn’t happy living as a male anymore and want to start living full-time but wanted to be on hormones first. Plus, there are always dangers with taking testosterone blockers and estrogen. I remember saying that I didn’t want to take hormones until after surgery since I didn’t want to be on medication. The ‘T’ in ‘LGBT’ doesn’t really belong since the others are sexual orientations, and transgender is not.Īnyway, I started seeing a gender therapist shortly thereafter. A lot of people can be confused by this saying things like, “If you’re still attracted to women, why not just stay a man?” Which is ridiculous since it has nothing to do with sexual orientation. But, the one thing she said back then was, “I think you should have sex with a girl first and then make that decision.” And, that was just because she didn’t know at the time that it has nothing to do with sexual orientation. So anyway, my grandmother was already familiar with transgender from watching television shows. It’s a very sad thing when not even your own family can accept you. This is not always the case for transgender people. Luckily for me, everyone has been very supportive and accepting of me. I said, “No, it’s a lot more complex than that.” Then she guessed transgender. She knew something was up by how I was acting the past few days, so we started to have a conversation and the first thing she, and everyone who later found out, thought was I was gay. However, my method of telling her was having her guess. It was on August 1st, 2010 that she found out. I couldn’t take it anymore and had to tell my grandmother. I just didn’t see how I could see myself as a female. I was concerned about my masculine voice, facial features, as well as the Adam’s apple. I had facial hair that was very dark and visible, even after I shaved. I was terrified that people would look at me weird and see me as a guy dressing as a woman. And thought I would be an ugly female that couldn’t pass. I was scared about how people would react when they knew. I remember just how much I wanted to be full-time as well, but I couldn’t express my feelings, since I didn’t know how. I started doing plenty of research, watching tons of other people on YouTube that were also male to female that we already living full-time. It was when I turned 20 that the feelings started to return, even stronger than before. I still wasn’t confident in myself, hated who I was, but was somewhat ok with being a male. The thought of it was no longer something I wanted to do. I think this was due to the fact that I was focusing on other matters that were extremely important to me. When I turned 18, the feeling of wanting to be a female seemed to almost diminish. I hated how I looked, my body, and of course the male parts I had. I would hope and wish each day that I could wake up in the morning as a female, with the right body. I just didn’t want to live because there was no life worth living if I couldn’t love myself. Whenever I would take a photo of myself or look in the mirror, I would become so depressed and cry. People would say I was a handsome young man, but I hated when they said that because, I was not a man, and I didn’t see myself as handsome. I hated myself so much, whenever I would look in the mirror I would see an ugly disgusting slob. My body was changing in a way I didn’t want it to, and I was terrified and hated myself. When I became a teenager and started to go through puberty, it was an absolutely awful experience. #Photoshop mackup befoe and after movieI recall when I was under 10 years old, my mother was watching this movie on cross-dressing men, and I happened to see part of it and realized that’s what I wanted to do. So, as early as I remember, I always wanted to be a girl. While I identify with both male and female genders, there are times I identify with neither. Not with my appearance, but with some of my personality. I wouldn’t say that I am completely female though. So, it took about a year and a half from hormones to SRS. I came out and started seeing a therapist in late 2010, been on hormones since late 2011, lived full-time since 2012, and had sex reassignment surgery in early 2013. In my case, I was born a male, lived the first 22 years of my life as one, but then made the transition to become who I really was, a female. So, I am a transgender / transsexual person, meaning I was born in the wrong body, it is not a mental illness like some people may think. There will be pictures during this video, though not many since I avoided the camera at all cost pre-transition. Hi everyone! In this video I will be discussing my transition from male to female.
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